Certified IAT Coach
The Breakthrough Your Relationship Is Waiting For
If you feel stuck, disconnected, or overwhelmed in your relationship, this 12-week experience shows you exactly what’s missing and how to rebuild closeness from the inside out.
What’s Broken | How to Fix | 12 Weeks
Over the last year, I’ve helped guide dozens of men through the same pattern shifts and breakthroughs you’re looking for, and I’ve watched them move from anxiety, overthinking, and fear of loss into inner peace, self-trust, and a relationship dynamic that feels secure, connected, and no longer exhausting.
For the one who feels like they’re
the only one trying to hold this relationship together.
Nothing You’re Doing Is Making It Better Because You’re Stuck in a Pattern
You Don’t Yet See.
Nothing You’re Doing
Is Making It Better Because You’re Stuck
in a Pattern
You Don’t Yet See.
You replay conversations in your head. You feel anxious when they pull away. You shrink parts of yourself just to avoid another fight. Some days you feel needy. Other days you shut down completely. You’re trying so hard to make this work....and it still feels unstable, uncertain, and exhausting. Deep down, you’re scared that if something doesn’t change, you’ll either lose them… or lose yourself. I’ve seen this pattern hundreds of times. And I’ve seen what happens when it finally clicks, everything changes. The anxiety settles. The fights stop escalating. You stop losing yourself. In 12 weeks, we uncover what’s driving this and rebuild it the right way. If you’re ready for that shift, this is where it begins.
Overthinking Loop
You replay conversations
in your head.
You dissect every word. What you said. What they meant. What you should’ve said instead. Hours later you’re still mentally rewriting it, hoping to find the moment it went wrong. You’re exhausted from living in your own head, trying to solve something that never feels fully resolved.
Attachment Trigger
You feel anxious when they pull away.
When they get quiet, distant, or distracted, your chest tightens. Your mind spirals. You start scanning for signs - tone shifts, shorter texts, subtle changes. It feels like something is slipping, and you’re the only one who can feel it happening.
Self-Abandonment
You shrink parts of yourself just to avoid another fight.
You hold back what you really feel. You soften your opinions. You say “it’s fine” when it’s not. You make yourself smaller to keep the peace, and then quietly resent that you had to.
Validation Seeking
Some days you feel needy.
You crave reassurance. You want closeness. You want to feel chosen. And when you don’t get it, you hate that it affects you so much. You tell yourself you shouldn’t need this much — but the need is still there.
Emotional Shutdown
Other days you shut down completely.
It’s easier not to feel. Easier not to ask. Easier not to expect anything at all. You go quiet. You disconnect. You tell yourself you don’t care, but underneath that silence is hurt you don’t know how to express.
Survival Mode
You’re trying so hard...but it's so exhausting.
You read the books. You listen to the podcasts. You have the conversations. You promise yourself you’ll respond better next time. But no matter how much effort you pour in, it still feels fragile. Like one wrong move and everything collapses again.
Identity Crisis
You’re scared to lose them… or lose yourself.
You feel the clock ticking. You wonder how much longer you can live in this tension. Stay and keep shrinking. Or leave and lose something you care about. Either way, it feels like you’re the one who pays the price.
They Felt Exactly
Like You Do
The same patterns. The same anxiety. The same distance. Until everything changed.
Before meeting with Michael I didn’t understand what made me happy and my relationships were not secure. They were based off of fear I would make someone upset. After meeting with Michael I now understand what my needs are and how to communicate them. Also I am able to understand what was causing so many of my reactions in my relationship by identifying the wounds that I have lived with my entire life but wasn’t able to identify on my own.
Michael is thoughtful, high-capacity, and deeply competent in his work. His understanding of Integrated Attachment Theory is both strong and embodied, bringing depth and clarity to every conversation. He creates a safe, attuned space. Grounded, insightful, and with a natural sense of humor, he truly gets it — and he truly gets you.
Michael is nothing short of amazing!!!! His compassionate approach truly has helped me move forward and heal from core wounds. Most importantly he’s introducing me to healthier version of myself while continuing to teach me how to vocalize my needs peacefully with others .
Before working with Michael, I was dreading the holidays and felt anxious about how to show up at family gatherings without abandoning myself in the inevitable drama. His method of helping me identify my needs and build strategies to meet them on my own was incredible — I didn’t cling to any particular outcome, and I genuinely enjoyed the holidays, the gatherings, and myself. Gratefully, G.
Before working with Michael, I felt anxious, confused and guarded when around most people including those I called “friend”. After this process, I now feel calm, secure and connected because I am now meeting my own needs, establishing and communicating healthy boundaries and prioritizing the relationship I have with myself.
Finally understand what’s really been happening.
See the Pattern That’s Been Running Your Relationship.
For the first time, you’ll clearly understand why you react the way you do, why they pull away, and why the same conflicts keep repeating. Instead of guessing, overthinking, or blaming yourself, you’ll learn exactly how this cycle forms and how to interrupt it. When you can see the pattern, it stops controlling you.
Rebuild closeness without
losing yourself.
Repair the Relationship From the Inside Out.
This isn’t about communicating more or trying harder. You’ll learn how to identify and meet emotional needs, yours and theirs, in a way that creates real safety and connection. When the right needs are addressed, defensiveness drops, walls soften, and closeness becomes natural again instead of forced.
Feel secure in love — no matter what.
Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships.
You’ll build the emotional awareness, regulation, and confidence to stay grounded even when things feel uncertain. Instead of shrinking, overreacting, or shutting down, you’ll know how to respond with clarity and strength. Whether this relationship heals or not, you’ll never repeat the same painful pattern again.
The 9 Shifts That Finally Break the Pattern
You don’t need more effort. You need clarity on what’s actually running your relationship.
These are the core shifts we make together over 12 weeks so it finally clicks and everything changes.
1
From Overthinking
to Clarity
You stop replaying conversations in your head because you finally understand what’s driving the reaction underneath it.
Overthinking is almost always protection. When the core wound is identified and processed, the mind stops scanning for danger. Clarity replaces rumination.
2
From Anxiety to Stability
When they pull away, you don’t spiral. You stay grounded, regulated, and secure.
Anxiety is a nervous system response, not a personality flaw. When you strengthen emotional regulation and build adaptive coping, your body no longer reacts as if love is unsafe.
3
From Shrinking to Self Trust
You no longer silence parts of yourself just to keep the peace. You show up fully without fear.
Shrinking is what happens when boundaries collapse. When you master healthy boundaries, you no longer abandon yourself to keep the relationship.
4
From Needy
to Secure
You stop chasing reassurance and start creating connection from confidence.
Neediness often comes from confusion about your own emotional needs. When you identify and express them directly, security replaces chasing.
5
From Shutdown to Presence
Instead of going cold or distant, you stay open and emotionally available.
Shutdown is a learned coping pattern. When you build emotional strength and regulation, presence becomes your default instead of withdrawal.
6
From Conflict Loops to Conscious Communication
The same fights stop repeating because you understand the pattern beneath them.
Most couples argue about the surface issue while the real trigger stays invisible. When you learn powerful communication and pattern awareness, conflict becomes productive instead of destructive.
7
From Emotional Chaos to Regulation
You gain tools that make you steady under pressure instead of reactive.
Emotional chaos is unresolved pain combined with poor coping strategies. Heal the wound and build regulation, and the nervous system stabilizes.
8
From Doing It Alone to Guided Growth
You are fully supported through a proven framework so there is zero guesswork.
Isolation keeps patterns alive. Accountability and expert guidance accelerate breakthroughs and remove guesswork.
9
From Fear of Losing Them to Leading Securely
You become the calm, grounded presence your relationship has been waiting for.
When your values are aligned and you lead your life with purpose, fear of loss transforms into secure leadership and steady connection.
🔥
A Clear Path to Rebuilding Your Relationship — Step by Step.
🔥
A Clear Path to Rebuilding Your Relationship.
Step by Step
Step 1: Understand the Pattern
We start by identifying the exact emotional cycle running your relationship. You’ll clearly see why you react the way you do, why they respond the way they do, and what’s actually fueling the disconnection. Once you understand the pattern, it stops feeling chaotic and starts feeling solvable.
Step 2: Address What’s Actually Missing
Instead of trying harder, we focus on the unmet emotional needs beneath the conflict. You’ll learn how to respond differently, communicate more effectively, and create real safety without losing yourself. When the right needs are met, closeness rebuilds naturally.
Step 3: Create Lasting Change
You’ll practice new patterns that replace anxiety, shutdowns, and emotional instability with clarity and grounded confidence. By the end of 12 weeks, you won’t just feel better, you’ll understand how to prevent the same cycle from repeating again.
Frequently Asked Question
What if I’m the only one willing to do the work?
You don’t need your partner to start seeing change. When one person understands the pattern and begins responding differently, the dynamic shifts. This work focuses on what’s actually running the relationship beneath the surface. When you change how you show up within the cycle, the cycle itself begins to change.
How is this different from traditional couples therapy?
Most approaches focus on communication or surface-level conflict. This process goes deeper. We identify the emotional pattern driving the conflict, uncover unmet needs, and rebuild connection from the inside out. Instead of managing arguments, we address what’s creating them.
What if we’ve already tried everything?
If trying harder worked, you’d already feel close again. Most people have tried talking more, reading books, compromising, or “being better.” What’s usually missing is a clear understanding of the pattern underneath the behavior. Once that becomes clear, the path forward becomes simple.
Is 12 weeks really enough to create change?
Twelve weeks is structured intentionally. The first phase builds clarity. The second phase shifts how you respond inside the pattern. The final phase integrates new emotional habits so they stick. Because we focus on the root mechanism, change happens faster and more sustainably than surface-level fixes.
What if I’m afraid it’s already too late?
If you’re here reading this, it’s not too late. Most relationships don’t end because love disappears. They end because patterns go unseen and unmet needs build resentment over time. When you understand what’s actually happening, you give the relationship a real chance.
What if I’m the problem?
You’re not “the problem.” You’re part of a pattern. Patterns are learned, conditioned, and reinforced over time. And patterns can be understood and changed. This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness and responsibility.
Will this help even if my partner shuts down or avoids hard conversations?
Yes. In fact, this is often where this work is most powerful. When you understand the underlying emotional needs driving shutdown or distance, you stop reacting to the behavior and start addressing what’s beneath it. That changes everything.
What kind of results can I realistically expect?
By the end of 12 weeks, you can expect clarity about the cycle running your relationship, confidence in how to respond differently, and a deeper understanding of emotional needs, yours and theirs. Most clients report feeling calmer, more secure, and more connected. And most importantly, they no longer feel powerless inside the pattern.
What if we improve… but then fall back into old habits?
That’s exactly why this process includes integration. You won’t just learn what the pattern is, you’ll practice interrupting it and replacing it with something healthier. The goal isn’t temporary relief. It’s permanent awareness.
What if this relationship doesn’t work out?
Even if this relationship doesn’t continue, you will not leave the same person. You’ll leave with clarity, emotional strength, and the ability to recognize and prevent the same painful cycle in the future. This work changes how you show up in love — permanently.
How do I know if this is right for me?
If you feel stuck, exhausted, and like nothing you’re doing is making it better, but you’re still willing to fight for something better ➜ this is for you.
I didn’t learn this from a textbook.
I lived it.
I didn’t learn this from a textbook. I lived it.
I Was Stuck in the Same Pattern ➜ Until I Finally Understood What Was Actually Happening.
I Was Stuck in the Same Pattern ➜ Until I Finally Understood What Was Actually Happening.
There was a time when I was caught in the same cycle you might be in right now, replaying conversations, feeling anxious when someone pulled away, trying harder, communicating more, and adjusting myself just to keep the peace. I believed that if I put in enough effort, if I became calmer or more understanding, the relationship would finally feel secure. But no matter how much I did, nothing truly changed.
What transformed everything wasn’t more effort, it was clarity. When I finally understood the pattern beneath the surface, the unmet needs, the conditioning, and the invisible emotional dynamics driving the disconnection, the instability stopped controlling me. I stopped losing myself in love. That experience changed not only my relationships, but who I became inside of them.
That’s why I became an IAT Certified Relationship Coach through Thais Gibson’s Personal Development School, to help others see what’s really happening so they can rebuild connection the right way and never repeat the same painful cycle again.
Michael P. Allen
IAT Certified Relationship Coach
Michael P Allen
IAT Certified Relationship Coach
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
Most people never break the cycles that hurt their relationships because they haven’t been
shown what’s really driving them. In my 12-week breakthrough experience, you finally
get clarity, a proven process, and guided support — so everything can actually change.
Proven Framework | Fully Guided | Life-Changing
You Can Keep Repeating This
Or You Can
Break It Now
You Need Clarity on What’s Actually Broken
Your 12-Week Path to Proven Stability
You Get A Relationship That Feels Safe Again
Proven Framework | Fully Guided | Life-Changing
